Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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