Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
