The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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