under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
