I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
