I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
