i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
