does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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