I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we're making bets on your personal life
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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