Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
