Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He shit in the fireplace
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
