i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
