my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
