My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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