dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
