Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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