Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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