I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
nutella sex= disaster
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
