I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
