no, he came in my armpit
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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