grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sober January is a disaster.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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