don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize