i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
