Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
