We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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