Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
