I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
