Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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