she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
