It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
