Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
