idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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