Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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