fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
