u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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