my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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