We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
