member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
