yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
