How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
