rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize