Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
