Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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