I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
