Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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