she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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