Soap is not a condiment
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
