mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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