omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize