sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize