i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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