I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
