tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
