I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
