I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
