I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
