I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
