The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
