i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
