i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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