Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
