woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize