Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
