I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
