so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't EVER smell your tampon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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