She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
