FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
