the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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