Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
