why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize