Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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