In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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