So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dignity is for republicans.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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