the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The power of my boobs compel you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
