How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
