At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
