"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
