i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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