Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize