We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
