i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
