The maid of honor just puked.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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