somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
