I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
