we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
