were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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