I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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