i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
