normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i drank out of a bidet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
