I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
