dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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