It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
