she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
