So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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