I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
