We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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