I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize