he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
