You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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