..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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