When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
