He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
