textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
