I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
