do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
FUCK WHALES
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
